Is Black and White Thinking Tearing You In Two?

“Ambiguity has a destabilizing effect…Very few have the courage or the strength to hold the tension between opposites until a completely new standpoint emerges…This is because, in acknowledging contradictory truths, one has to create an inner equilibrium to keep from being torn in two.” — Aldo Carotenuto

Early this week, I came across this quote in Anodea Judith’s “Eastern Body, Western Mind,” where Judith discusses the ambiguous nature of human feelings and the impact on our ability to get unstuck. Judith says, “Feelings are usually ambiguous. To fully embrace our feelings is to embrace that ambiguity. Black-and-white choices are seldom acceptable.  Unacceptable choices keep us from making decisions and trap us in paralysis.”

My clients are often dealing with large amounts of ambiguity in their lives.  Many are working to switch careers, reprogram their stress response, and find more passion and joy within their life. The desire to know what the future holds is often at odds with our ability to get unstuck from our current situation.

Seeking black and white answers narrows our ability to see possibilities and disconnects us from intuitive decision making. If you are looking to get unstuck or create the changes you want in your life you first have to open up to the ebb and flow of life.

I’ve learned that when we are stuck within our lives, it’s a sign that we need to start listening to what our emotions are telling us.

So, How to Do It?

• Investigate like Sherlock Holmes. Observe what is fact vs fiction.  Where does the truth about what’s happening end and the story you’ve created start? When we start to unravel the story we’ve created about life’s uncertainty, we create more space to observe the truth.

• Acknowledge the emotions you are experiencing. Emotions are powerful indicators of what you are experiencing, denying them off or expecting them to be different from they are cuts you off from life’s journey.

• Embrace your feelings. Owning our emotional response to ambiguity instead of denying it, frees up tremendous amounts of energy and opens us up to see opportunities rather than dead ends.

This is hard work!  But, these steps will build your resilience in the face of ambiguity and change, and help you get unstuck when life is pulling at your seems.