Are You Chronically Avoiding Something?
We’ve all been there. Those mornings where you just don’t want to wake up and go to work. You turn the alarm off, snooze until the last possible minute, take an extended shower or watch a movie. Maybe you dream up excuses for why you have to stay home or simply find reasons to not get dressed, leave the door and go to work.
Even if you love your job, it’s normal for you to have days like this. But if everyday is a repetition of these feelings and events then it’s probably not procrastination – it’s probably avoidance. There is a fine line between procrastinating and avoiding, if you’ve crossed the line it is a clear sign something is not right.
My husband is a master of this art. He’s the king of the snooze button, lord of lounging on the couch to watch tv and court jester to our dog. He also goes to the gym, actually sits down to eat breakfast and uses laughter to help him choose his mindset for the day. He works in a really stressful industry, so it’s great that he’s set himself up with a routine that prepares him for the day. It usually serves him well. But he has bouts where it stops serving him.
In his case, I know he’s flipped from procrastination to avoidance when I start seeing him pace, usually in mid-dress, through our small New York City apartment. (After 6 years of living together I am well attuned to when he’s crossed the line). Depending on what he’s avoiding the velocity and duration of this pacing increase exponentially. Sometimes my husband isn’t even aware he’s crossed the line, until I point it out.
The trick is to know when you’ve crossed the line, as with most things early detection is key. Avoidance causes our energy to plummet, which means we have less energy to devote to the things we love, to handle the things we don’t and to feel like we actually have a choice in the matter. Quickly identifying when we’ve moved from normal procrastination to avoidance means we can choose to change our reaction to what is ailing us. Choose to look at it differently, choose to give it space, choose to do something different. Catching ourselves in the act of avoidance means we can stop it from becoming a chronic energy suck.
When I notice my husband has hit this point, I know he needs three things.
Awareness of what he is avoiding.
To shake it off (sometimes this is deep breathing, sometimes laughter, sometimes a body shake)
Acknowledgement – which often means a hug, kiss and a pep talk from yours truly.
So what is your morning routine trying to tell you? Can you slow down long enough to spot the signs that you’ve crossed the line? If so, what do you need to do to cross over to the other side?